Homeschooling Father
11/08/05
If your family homeschools, is it your wife who really homeschools the children? Every family has its own dynamics and schedules. Even so, it is my experience that the father’s active involvement in home education results in a more well-rounded child.
The Fundamentals
This observation comes from homeschooling our own children for the last seven years and from knowing other homeschooling families in our community. The reasons are simple: 1) the children take schooling more seriously if they know that both parents are taking it seriously; and 2) men and women, even when they agree on an issue, often have different perspectives and/or different ways of reaching a conclusion. Thus children benefit from seeing the same worldview through different eyes.
What are the responsibilities of a Catholic homeschooling father? Because each family is different, this is difficult to answer generically. We can say that the responsibilities of homeschooling fathers and every father overlap quite a bit. We will discuss those responsibilities unique to homeschooling, but there are a few fundamental things every father should consider:
We need to spend at least 5 to 30 minutes everyday in meditation or contemplative prayer. We can not live our vocations to it fullest potential without a deep prayer life. “It would be wrong to think that ordinary Christians can be content with a shallow prayer that is unable to fill their whole life” (John Paul II, Novo Millennio Ineunte).
We need to pray every day with our spouses, and have a spiritual friendship with them. Spiritual friendships, because they are centered on the eternal (and not on self or secular common interests), can overcome more easily the stress of daily challenges and disagreements.
We need to ensure that the primary relationship in our household is between Mom and Dad. The children can not run, control, or dictate family life. Spouses need time to continue deepening their friendship and relationship throughout the marriage.
A father must lead the family in prayer. At least at one time every day is minimal, with the recognition that there are some fathers whose work takes them away from the home from time to time. The key point is that he must be demonstrably the spiritual head of the family and play a substantial role in the religious education of the children. In addition to daily prayer, this might mean a once-a-week catechism class with one or more of the older children. Or a mini Bible study at dinner once or twice a week. It can be a nightly reading of Bible stories to the youngsters. In any case, Dad must teach religion at some level on a regular basis.
Because it is a “grave obligation” (Canon 226.2 – 1983 Code of Canon Law) to provide for the education of your children; and because the ultimate goal of education is to lead to the Truth — that is to God; a father must demonstrate to the family that the worship of God and the learning about Him is his priority in life — regardless of where the children spend their schooldays.
Now if you have these basic responsibilities of fatherhood under control, the step into homeschooling responsibilities is not too difficult.
School Principal
Many homeschooling fathers take on the role of “School Principal.” This role gives the father a definite visibility with the children. The principal is the final word (or last resort) in discipline, oversees the progress of the students regularly, and in consultation with Mom sets the budget and curriculum for the school. These responsibilities (discipline, reviewing papers/report cards, and budget/school choices) are simply an extension of what all fathers should be doing. The “Principal” should not just be a figurehead, but active.
Maintaining discipline, especially when you have several children, is critical to a properly functioning household and school. I have a friend who will drive the 40 minutes home from work in the middle of the day to take care of a particularly trying discipline problem. The children know that he is serious about backing up mom’s decisions and punishments. (He doesn’t have to make that drive very often.)
The dinner table is a great place to ask each child in turn what they did or what they learned in school that day. They will be eager for their turn at dad’s undivided attention. The children get the message that dad is interested in the schooling. Mom appreciates that dad takes an interest in her work and is reinforcing this interest with the children.
Even though in most cases mom is doing the bulk of the teaching, dad’s input into curriculum can be very helpful. First, if dad is more familiar with what the children are studying he can more readily review their work and ask questions. But more importantly, dad’s opinions and his experience in the world are relevant in choosing the educational philosophy and actual texts. For one example, because of my life-long interest in history, my involvement selecting books and supplemental readings has helped to make the history classes more alive for both mom and child.
The Teaching Dad
Some fathers have a schedule which allows them to teach one or more subjects. You may have to be creative to come up with the time, but if you can teach a class or two, it is well worth the effort. When my oldest daughter was in her last years of high school, she and I would meet for classes from 6:35AM to 7:30AM four days a week. My daughter had been homeschooled for several years by that time, so she worked independently quite well. For that hour every morning we would discuss her work, try to answer questions, and review upcoming assignments. I would use part of my lunch hour every day to review her work or to get ahead of her in the readings.
When fathers do teach classes, they often take the science and mathematics in the upper grades. This is great. However, if you can manage to teach one of the humanities, especially history or religion to your teenager, do so. Often in those early morning hours with my daughter, we thrashed out the role of governments, the meaning of the Mass, our visions of heaven, and many other topics. You and your child will never forget these discussions, (and you may finally get to read some of the classic works of history which your own education lacked).
The greatest gift a father can give to his children is for him to love God and then to love his wife. The father must teach virtue by example. He cannot teach his children anything unless he listens to them. He guides his children, not so much with lectures, but with questions — questions which will lead to eternal truths. The Catholic homeschooling father in partnership with his wife takes on a grave obligation instead of delegating it to others. This obligation is full of joy and rewards for both parents and children.
Jim Curley is the founder and publisher of Requiem Press, which publishes books focusing on Catholic history.
From the Summer, 2005 issue of Heart and Mind magazine.
Homeschooling Father
Moderators: johnmc, Johnna, MarieT